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The Housewife Assassin's Garden of Deadly Delights
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Housewife assassin Donna Stone’s green thumb–and for that matter, her trigger finger–is put to the test when it’s discovered that genetically enhanced corn containing a deadly brain-eating virus has been released into America’s food chain.
The Housewife Assassin's Handbook
AUDIO VERSIONS from
Every housewife needs an alias. Donna Stone has one--and it happens to be government-sanctioned.
Oh sure, you need to be ruthless to take on Russian mafia bosses, rogue dictators, and terrorists set on destroying the world. But it takes real killer instincts to survive suburbia. Try juggling the fifth grade phone tree during a shootout with skinhead arms dealers, or driving carpool while being chased by Chinese double agents.
Donna’s life wasn’t always this complicated. Five years earlier she was just another woman with two preschoolers, a baby bump, and an adoring husband: Carl, with whom she lived happily ever after in a McMansion in the Orange County, California community of Hilldale. But Donna’s life was changed forever the night she delivered her baby:
Carl’s car blew up on the way to the hospital.
Turns out Carl was a “hard man”—an assassin—for the black ops organization known as Acme Industries. The hit on Carl was carried out by the Quorum, a terrorist cell he was tracking. The Quorum’s motto: “Show me the money.” Governments and corporations do as they’re told—or suffer bloody consequences.
Carl left something behind that the Quorum wants badly. To protect herself and avenge Carl’s death, Donna joined Acme. Whereas her hostessing skills rival Martha Stewart’s, her marksmanship is second to none.
A good thing, too, because the Quorum has planted a sleeper cell in Hilldale. For Donna, that’s too close for comfort. Will she be able to save her family before the Quorum blows up Los Angeles?
Acme’s way of flushing out the Quorum is by “bringing Carl back from the dead.” But terrorism makes strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to that old adage “Honey, I’m home…”
*Not her real name.
Donna and Jack are in the kind of hot mess that can cause an international incident:
A nuclear arms summit, hosted by a politically-connected American billionaire industrialist, provides the perfect opportunity for a rogue operative to assassinate of the newly-elected Russian president on US soil. Acme operative Donna Stone's mission:
Seek and exterminate the shooter, before all hell--and World War III--break loose.
Also on Donna's to-do list: file for divorce.
Throw in a couple of play dates and a few naughty neighbors, you've got a whole lot of fun.
The Housewife Assassin's Killer Christmas Tips
’Tis the season for murder, mayhem and mistletoe! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna and Jack don’t find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles.
Forget Santa! Terror is coming to town...
The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide
London. Paris. Guantanamo Bay. Donna Stone is looking for love -- and terrorists -- in all the wrong places.
In this fourth full-length novel of The Housewife Assassin series, Donna Stone finds out that breaking up is hard to do. Then again, so is dating a terrorist, let aloneeleven of them!
Does this make Donna a serial dater, or a serial killer?
Worse yet, an old flame gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love. But she doesn't cry. She gets even.
An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him, before it is unleashed on Fantasy island.
But first they'll have to deal with nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison-dart throwing pygmies, and a hunt club with the most unusual prey.
And you call this a vacation?
The Housewife Assassin's Recipes for Disaster
Donna’s executive mission is crystal clear: stop the assassinations of both US political parties’ presidential candidates. When she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put her animosity aside long enough to save the candidate’s life—and her relationship with Jack?
The Housewife Assassin's Hollywood Scream Play
With foes in high places, what's a girl to do to put food on the table—let alone stay alive? If you're housewife assassin Donna Stone, you accept a Hollywood producer's offer to turn your life into a film.
Lights, cameras and non-stop action await Donna and Jack as they use the movie's exotic location shoots to track down crucial intel needed to take down the Quorum. There will be plenty of close-ups and too many close calls. But nothing—including a lascivious leading lady, deadly stunt doubles, or being on Interpol's Most Wanted list—will stand in their way.
The Housewife Assassin's Deadly Dossier
(The Full-Length Prequel to The Housewife Assassin Series)
Finally—Donna Stone, as you've never seen her before: through the eyes of those who affected her life the most.
In this full-length prequel to The Housewife Assassin series, Acme Industries black-ops agent Jack Craig is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization’s most prolific hit man, Carl Stone, only to fall in love with the dead man’s wife, Donna—a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's disappearance.
When Acme approaches Donna to join their organization as an assassin, Jack takes on an undercover mission that will change both their lives forever.
The Housewife Assassin's Killer App
In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with top secret documents inside the United States' Intelligence Community's secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations:
- A company providing smart phones and other wireless devices with an operating system that contains artificial intelligence designed to meet your every need--even if it kills you;
- A tech conglomerate CEO who plans to broker the country's intelligence secrets to the highest bidder, be it a terrorist or an enemy state;
- And an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna.
Can she save the world from terror--and at the same time protect her children form the painful knowledge of the father who deserted them?
It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from the terrorists whose usual demands are multi-million dollar ransoms.
But this time, the price is higher--and much more personal-- to the housewife assassin.
AND COMING SOON...
The Housewife Assassin’s
Tips for Weddings, Weapons, and Warfare
**Coming July 2015**
It's time for Donna Stone and Jack Craig to tie the knot–hopefully not around each other's necks as they juggle the planning of their wedding with a terrorist's attempt to assassinate the President of the United States. It's a marriage made of murder, mayhem, and missiles, revealing just how far the Quorum will go for world domination. It's not easy exchanging rings while at the same time exchanging gunfire. But if anyone can, it's the housewife assassin and the spy who loves her.
Truly entertaining reading." - Jackie Collins
For Hannah Fairchild, jaded Hollywood trust fund baby and aspiring astronomer, life as she knows it (financially secure, albeit emotionally frail) goes out of orbit when her father -- the larger-than-life legendary actor and playboy, Leo Fairchild -- drops dead while making love to a nineteen year-old C-list television starlet. Not only has Leo's conniving fourth wife frozen Hannah's trust fund -- putting a pinch on her ability to gaze at the only stars she feels are worth watching -- but the grieving widow has also been having an affair with Hannah's indie producer boyfriend.
Faced with credit card bills that rival the national debt, Hannah is forced to put her planet search project on hold while she takes the job of personal assistant to British actor and People's "Sexiest Man Alive," Louis Trollope. Because Louis is just as egotistical, self-centered, insecure, demanding, flirtatious -- and yes, irresistible -- as her father had been, Hannah is determined to keep him and his super-model girlfriend, bad boy entourage, and over-sexed agent at arm's length. Besides, she's falling in love with his best friend, the screenwriter Mick Bradshaw.
*** PLEASE NOTE: Formerly published as “True Hollywood Lies”***
RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 2015
Can Bobbie survive the treachery, lies and scandals that comes with running one of the most successful movie conglomerates in the world?
REVIEWS FOR TRUE HOLLYWOOD LIES NOVELS:
"…The tone is confessional, the writing laced with venomous humor…" –The Wall Street Journal
"Brown captures the humor of working for a megalomaniac...[A] well-paced, entertaining story.” –Publishers Weekly
"A fine piece of literary work." –New York Post, Page Six
"Josie Brown does an outstanding job capturing the glitz and glamour of Hollywood living while illuminating the stark loneliness present beneath the façade. Filled with good-natured humor and witty repartee..." –Romance Reader's Connection
Before you check out the stars walking the red carpet at next Sunday's Oscars, spend time with Josie Brown's new satirical novel about an irritating actor nominated for an Academy Award, his harried personal assistant and all the angst endured from the moment the nominations are announced until the winning name is read out loud. Brown, a journalist with her share of celeb interviews, drops names a-plenty." –Lowell (MA) Press
"With tongue-in-cheek dialogue, Josie Brown provides a fascinating look at the jet set lifestyle of the rich and for-the-moment famous.... You will laugh, cry, and wonder if it's worth it to be rich and famous." –Romance Reviews Today
TOTLANDIA: Book 1
(The Onesies, Fall)
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Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal.
Welcome to Totlandia.
The salacious secrets of Desperate Housewives meet the aspirational lifestyles of Sex and the City in San Francisco’s most elite mommies group.
In this sometimes bittersweet (and always humorous) novel, the friendships among four women who meet in a moms-and-tots playgroup are tested as they address their presumptions, family traumas, love, passion, and the hard realities of parenting their children.
TOTLANDIA: Book 2
(The Onesies, Winter)
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In this second book of the Totlandia series, five mommies are just one misstep away from entry into the elite Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Everyone has a scandalous secret to hide, but who will be the next to fall?
As the club's founder, Bettina, ratchets up the stress level with a series of holiday-themed challenges, the cracks begin to show. Jade's past catches up to her in the most unlikely of settings. Jillian's struggles to make ends meet are complicated by Bettina's demands. Ally's work and home lives collide, threatening to expose all of her secrets. And Lorna's already fraying family ties are torn to shreds by a series of devastating events.
With just four spots remaining, will the five remaining ladies turn cutthroat? Or will their newfound friendships be strong enough to help them band together?
TOTLANDIA: Book 3
(The Onesies, Spring)
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Spring comes in like a lamb as the exclusive Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club welcomes its newest members. But that tranquility belies a storm brewing, as new tensions and old rivalries come to a head.
The surviving moms are ready to reap the rewards of membership, but none of them counted on club founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, needing a pick-me-up from a bitter betrayal. While lesser women might cry into their pillows, Bettina finds comfort in exerting control over her domain.
With Bettina on a rampage, the new Onesies are trying to stay out of sight long enough to deal with their own issues: Lorna wants to tell her family about Dante’s autism, but keeping it on her own terms could be difficult when her hippie mom and socialite mother-in-law meet for the first time. Jillian fights to regain her financial footing and confront her personal insecurities, finding comfort in an unexpected place. And Ally can’t bear the thought of hurting Jade, so she continues to bury her feelings for Brady. But when another desperate housewife stirs the mix, Jade could become a pawn in an even more devious game.
It’s no ordinary spring in Totlandia, as emotions build to a fury and end with a roar.
TOTLANDIA: Book 4
(The Onesies, Summer)
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As summer sizzles in Totlandia, emotions boil over for the newest members of Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, whose trust in each other is sorely tempted by Bettina and her club politics.
When Jillian's vindictive joke backfires, she learns the true meaning of forgiveness.
Jade’s betrayal puts her in a dangerous downward spiral with no bottom in sight—until she finds friendship and redemption where she least expects it.
Lorna faces the biggest trial in her marriage, and makes an important decision that may end it for good.
While Ally may regret the choices made she to get accepted in the club, her exile puts new opportunities in her path, thanks to Brady and his ceaseless desire to win her over—with Barry's help, who is playing his own little game with the Top Moms Committee.
But it's Bettina who suffers the ultimate punishment—one that changes her life, and the livelihood of the club, forever.
Signal Press - eBook
(For a signed digital copy via Amazon, order here)
Seduction and intrigue are rampant on the campaign trail when a political campaign adviser discovers that Washington's power broker elite have embroiled his presidential candidate in a plot involving an act of terrorism on US soil...
Democratic political campaign consultant Ben Brinker can’t remember the last time he was excited by a candidate’s vision. He feels he’s lost his way, both emotionally and professionally. Worst yet, his show-me-the-money policy seems to have finally caught up with him. Two of his recent clients have been disgraced in one way or another: a senator is caught in lurid sex scandal, and a congressman is indicted in a kickback scandal. In no time at all the political pundits are calling Ben a "candidate cooler." Now Ben is desperate for any campaign gig he can get.
As luck would have it, Andrew Harris Mansfield, the charismatic junior senator from North Carolina and former Marine pilot, asks Ben if he wants to run his soon-to-be-announced campaign for president.
Little does Ben know what's in store for Andrew, or their country--
Nor does he realize that the key to saving both have been placed in his hands.
In Bookstores Now!
(For a signed digital copy via Amazon, order here)
Chosen as one of the "Top 5 Must-Read Spring 2011 Paperbacks" by SheKnows.com
"Brown (Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives) takes baby mania to its illogical, hysterical extreme in this bubbly romp. Thirty-seven-year-old Katie's biological clock is ticking like a time bomb, and she turns her baby obsession into a wildly successful consultant gig planning nurseries for pregnant women too rich, clueless, bedridden, or busy to do the task themselves.
Even grieving widower Seth, who works with Katie's child-shy husband, Alex, on a demanding new business venture, needs Katie's services to help him manage his perplexing new role as a single dad. But what begins as a light foray into Bugaboo country turns into something bigger than a satire of status-obsessed Bay Area yummy mummies as Brown takes a dark look at the fears of parenthood and family, with Katie's heartbreaking longing for a child unveiling a disturbing reality about her marriage and family. Still, the message from the somber realities is one full of hope: love makes a family, commitment keeps it together." --Publishers Weekly
Simon & Schuster/Gallery Press / ISBN#: 978-1439173176
In Bookstores Now
(For a signed digital copy via Amazon, order here)
In my novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, I explore the perceptions and deceptions affecting two marriages.
The Harpers, Lyssa and Ted, are socially entrenched in the tony Silicon Valley town of Paradise Heights, California, unlike DeeDee and Harry Wilder, who are admired by all, but politely aloof to their neighbors.
Then word gets out that DeeDee has walked out on Harry and their two children. Gossip runs rampant through the Heights. Was DeeDee having an affair? Is it true that Harry is fighting her for everything—even the dog?
Lyssa's friends gossip about the neighbors while ignoring their own problems: infertility, infidelity, and eating disorders. The truth is, if the community's "perfect couple," Harry and DeeDee, can call it quits, what does that mean for everyone else?
At least one of the rumors is true: to hold on to his children and his home, Harry, once a workaholic, realigns his life and becomes a stay-at-home dad. Touched by his efforts at trial-by-error single parenting, Lyssa befriends him, never realizing the effect their relationship will have on her close-knit circle of friends—or its explosive impact on her own marriage.
My novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives,
was optioned by producer Jerry Bruckheimer,
for a dramatic television series.
(Signal Press, 2011)
"Marriage Confidential shares its insights with heart and humor. Here you'll find the perfect answers to the most important relationship questions. A perfect guide for loving couples."-- John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Husbands, here’s what she’s thinking...
"Does she know when you’re lying? You better believe she does. Each man pulsates microscopic hints that signal his thoughts and actions to the woman whose goal it is to stay first and foremost in his mind.God help him if he’s a lousy liar to begin with."
Don’t end the evening by asking her, ‘Did you come?’ It’s akin to taking a trip with a kid who asks every five minutes, ‘Are we there yet?’ Since you don’t know unless we tell you otherwise, your wife will say, ‘Yes honey, thanks for rockin’ my world!’— just to get you off her back (front, or whatever.) Believe me, you’ll know when she enjoys sex with you; because she won’t
be able to shut up about it."
Wives, here’s what he’s thinking…
…about whether he turns you on:
"Most men do care about how they look in a pair of jeans. Sure, a guy might look like a sack of spuds in his Levis, but that doesn't mean he's okay with that. And, if he is okay with that, I'll guarantee you that he has convinced himself that there are a lot of women out there who are really turned on by potatoes."
…about the dangers of having affairs:
"Affairs are like skiing with a blindfold, wildly exhilarating at first, but almost certain to end badly."
In This Book, You’ll Find 102 Honest Answers to the Questions
Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know
—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of Hollywood Wives and Poor Little Bitch Girl
—Eileen Goudge, New York Times bestselling author of Once in a Blue Moon
"I loved this juicy-as-it-it-is-heartfelt novel about love, marriage, friendship and sharp, manicured claws. Could not put it down!"
—Melissa Senate, author of The Secret of Joy
"Poignant and funny! Josie Brown's protagonist is strong, resilient, and unflinchingly honest: she has all the skills she needs to navigate the 'mean streets' of the gated community of Paradise Heights. A great read!"
—Wendy Wax, author Magnolia Wednesdays
“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives is a probing, entertaining fishbowl of married life in a well-heeled, wayward neighborhood. Loved it!”
—Stephanie Bond, author of Body Movers series
"I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heartwrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!"—Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of the novel, Starlit, and the personal growth book, Rinnavation