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Audiobooks
The Housewife Assassin's Handbook
(Book 1)
PODBEAN (Only $6)
The Housewife Assassin's Handbook
(Book 1)
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​Every desperate housewife would love an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it's government-sanctioned. But terrorism makes strange bedfellows. Jack Craig, the wild card Acme operative paired with Donna brings, new meaning to that old adage “Honey, I'm home…”
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COMING IN 2023:
Book 2: Guide to Gracious Killing
Book 3: Killer Christmas Tips
TOTLANDIA: Book 1
Fall, The Onesies
LAUNCH DATE: 2023
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THIS IS BOOK 1 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 1 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco. For the city’s ultra-competitive elite, the club’s ten annual spots are the ultimate parenting prize.
But not everyone is PHM&TC material. The club’s founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, adheres to strict membership rules: Moms only. No single parents or working mothers allowed. Membership is an arduous commitment. And there’s no room in the club for scandal, bad behavior, or imperfection…from tots or their moms.
In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her. But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle.
But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club.
Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames?
Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal. Welcome to Totlandia.
TOTLANDIA: Book 2
Winter, The Onesies
LAUNCH DATE: JULY 1, 2022
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THIS IS BOOK 2 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 2 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
Five mommies are just one misstep away from entry into the elite Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Everyone has a scandalous secret to hide, but who will be the next to fall?
As the club's founder, Bettina, ratchets up the stress level with a series of holiday-themed challenges, the cracks begin to show. Jade's past catches up to her in the most unlikely of settings. Jillian's struggles to make ends meet are complicated by Bettina's demands. Ally's work and home lives collide, threatening to expose all of her secrets. And Lorna's already fraying family ties are torn to shreds by a series of devastating events.
With just four spots remaining, will the five remaining ladies turn cutthroat? Or will their newfound friendships be strong enough to help them band together?
Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal.
Welcome to Totlandia.
TOTLANDIA: Book 3
Spring, The Onesies
LAUNCH DATE: JULY 1, 2022
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 3 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 3 OF TOTLANDIA:
Spring comes in like a lamb as the exclusive Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club welcomes its newest members. But that tranquility belies a storm brewing, as new tensions and old rivalries come to a head.
The surviving moms are ready to reap the rewards of membership, but none of them counted on club founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, needing a pick-me-up from a bitter betrayal. While lesser women might cry into their pillows, Bettina finds comfort in exerting control over her domain.
With Bettina on a rampage, the new Onesies are trying to stay out of sight long enough to deal with their own issues: Lorna wants to tell her family about Dante’s autism, but keeping it on her own terms could be difficult when her hippie mom and socialite mother-in-law meet for the first time. Jillian fights to regain her financial footing and confront her own insecurities, finding comfort in an unexpected place. And Ally can’t bear the thought of hurting Jade, so she continues to bury her feelings for Brady. But when another desperate housewife stirs the mix, Jade could become a pawn in an even more devious game.
It’s no ordinary spring in Totlandia, as emotions build to a fury and end with a roar.
Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal.
Welcome to Totlandia.
TOTLANDIA: Book 4
Summer, The Onesies
LAUNCH DATE: JULY 1, 2022
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 4 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 4 OF THE 8-BOOK TOTLANDIA EPISODIC SERIES:
As summer sizzles in Totlandia, emotions boil over for the newest members of Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, whose trust in each other is sorely tempted by Bettina and her club politics.
When Jillian's vindictive joke backfires, she learns the true meaning of forgiveness.
Jade’s betrayal puts her in a dangerous downward spiral with no bottom in sight—until she finds friendship and redemption where she least expects it.
Lorna faces the biggest trial in her marriage and makes an important decision that may end it for good.
While Ally may regret the choices made she in order to get accepted to the club, her exile puts new opportunities in her path, thanks to Brady and his ceaseless desire to win her over—with Barry's help, who is playing his own little game with the Top Moms Committee.
But it's Bettina who suffers the ultimate punishment—one that changes her life, and the livelihood of the club, forever.
Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal.
Welcome to Totlandia.
TOTLANDIA: Book 5
Fall, The Twosies
LAUNCH DATE: July 2, 2021
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 5 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 5 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
When Bettina Cross is faced with having to share the leadership of her beloved Pacific Heights Moms and Tots Club with her sister-in-law, Lorna Connaught, she plays dirty—only to discover that her actions have aligned her two true enemies: Kimberley Savitch, and Kelly Overton.
Bettina’s problems are compounded when Daniel Warwick, a Department of Justice prosecutor, wants to use her as bait to trap her soon-to-be ex, Art, into coming home and answering to long list of fraud charges. The fact that Art has scammed most of San Francisco’s wealthiest families has Bettina fighting desperately to preserve her most priceless possession: her social standing.
When Brady lines up venture capital funding for Life of Pie, Ally must tamp down his gung-ho power ranger tendencies, while at the same time shore up Jillian’s insecurities that her pies won’t live up to Brady’s promises.
And now that the once homeless Reggie is teaching the complete works of Shakespeare to UC Berkeley undergrads, Jade struggles with her fear that she’s competing for his affections with his younger, more beautiful students.
Finally, an unexpected tragedy puts Jillian in the middle of her ex's life again—with consequences that will affect her future and those of her twins—forever.
The leaves are falling, and there’s a bitter chill in the air—but Mother Nature has nothing to do with it. Blame it on human nature—in this case, Pacific Heights parents behaving badly.
Four weddings. Three babies. Two funerals. One heck of a Twosies year.
Welcome back to Totlandia.
TOTLANDIA: Book 6
Winter, The Twosies
Launches July 2, 2021
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 6 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 6 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
Winter’s chill isn’t just in the air. It also runs through the veins of all the women in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club:
Besides dealing with the politics of the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, Lorna discovers a secret that will scandalize the members—and perhaps have one them leaving in disgrace;
As for Jade, her new part-time job on the UC Berkeley campus allows Reggie to see her in a whole new light—one that will either make or break their relationship;
Jillian is juggling too much—not just the twins, the growth of Life of Pie, and the details of her wedding, but the guardianship of the infant, Scotty. Will her fiancé, Caleb man up to fatherhood—or will he be scared off by threats of a lawsuit from Rona, the mother her deceased ex-husband, Scott?
And Brady’s frustration over Ally’s refusal to commit to marrying him leads him down a slippery slope–into her past.
And finally, Bettina's idea for a new mobile app may get her out of hock—but will it keep her in the good graces of Daniel Warwick, the Federal agent chasing down Art?
TOTLANDIA: Book 7
Winter, The Twosies
Launches July 2, 2021
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 7 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 7 OF THE TOTLANDIA EPISODIC SERIES:
For the women of Totlandia, spring brings new life and emotional renewal:
A big question for Bettina is whether she'll succumb to an easy fix for her problems, or will she embrace the challenge that may lead to the financial and emotional freedom she craves...
At the same time, Bettina's mysterious disappearances are adding to Lorna's anxieties to keep the club on an even keel up until she delivers her twins. Little does she know that a cruel trick by the power-hungry Kelly will curdle Lorna's relationship with her mother-in-law, Eleanor;
Jillian is fighting her former mother-in-law for custody of her deceased ex-husband's infant child. The good news: Caleb has taken to his new role as über-dad with gusto. The bad news: it’s causing trouble in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club;
As for Jade, she is given an opportunity of a lifetime to prove herself: both as an academic researcher, and as the perfect partner for her fiánce, Reggie. But will his assistant Samantha's attentions come between them?
And Brady's quest to reunite Ally with her father may be the one thing that will tear their relationship apart;
Last but not least: Top Moms are in full revolt. They know that their only hope of getting out from under Bettina’s thumb is to secure their secrets-filled files hidden deep within a sculpture to be auctioned off with the rest of her possessions. Let the bidding begin!
TOTLANDIA: Book 8
Sumer, The Twosies
LAUNCH DATE: July 2, 2021
AMAZON - APPLE BOOKS - AUDIBLE - AUDIOBOOKS - CHIRP - NOOK
THIS IS BOOK 8 IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES.
Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; And then Books 5-8.
IN BOOK 8 OF THE TOTLANDIA SERIES:
The final book of the series is filled with surprising conclusions for the Pacific Heights parents you’ve come to love—and the one you love to hate:
Stress from the club and motherhood puts Lorna into a tailspin that threatens her life. Will Matthew make the right choice for her and their children?
Jade’s past puts her career and her marriage to Reggie in jeopardy;
And in the hope of salvaging her friendship with Jillian, Ally makes a decision that will affect their lives forever. But can it also save her relationship with Brady?
Finally: when Art’s funeral fails to end Bettina’s personal purgatory in San Francisco’s social circles, her new puts her back on top—but her successes come at a high price: the love and acceptance of those she loves most.
Welcome to Totlandia's summer of love, lust, temptation, and redemption.